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5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Management Tip No 1 – If you share critical information with your colleagues and stakeholders, you will be better positioned to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129. The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129. The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is weak Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Management Tip No 2 – Know your job, if you are not well informed in your field, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, I’ll give each of you just one wish. Me first, Me first, says the admin clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff! She’s gone. Me next, Me next, says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Puff He’s gone. OK, you’re up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Management Tip No 3 – Always let your boss have the first say

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, Can I also sit like you and do nothing The eagle answered Sure, why not. So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Tip No 4 – To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy. Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Tip No 5 – Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6:

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.” The feet said, ” We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go. The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

Management Tip No 6 – You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any asshole will do.

Lesson 7:

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Tip No 7 – Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut.

THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

Happy New Year 2016

New Year is not about changing the dates but direction; it’s not about changing the calendar but commitment; it’s not about changing the actions but attitude. May each and every day of yours is renewed with lots of happiness and love. Remember, sky is the limit.

Wishing you a Happy New Year of 2016

Why are Indonesian Chinese unable to speak Chinese?

Gravatar Anonymous Originally Posted by h4d1 on Collection of my ideas

In Singapore, many Indonesian students are Chinese descent. When the first time they come, most of them expect English speaking environment, which is true in academic world. But outside it, other languages are widespread, especially Mandarin Chinese. Many of the Indonesian Chinese do not expect such a counter when, for example, some of the canteen aunties cannot speak English and only speak Chinese to them. When they meet Malaysian or Singaporean friends, many of them also speak in Chinese among themselves. Indonesian Chinese feel alienated, although they are also considered as Chinese.

I remembered there was Malaysian girl asked me whether I can speak Chinese. I answered just can say a little, then she asked me whether my parents can speak Chinese, I said “yes, they can”. She answered, “Why don’t they teach you?”. That query made me ask to myself. Actually my father speaks Chinese not so fluent, at least not as fluent as my mother. And also my parent’s working environment is not in Chinese, not even Indonesian, but in Javanese. In fact, many of my Chinese friends in primary and secondary school, if not most of them, even their parents are not able or only speak little Chinese.

Baca Lanjutannya…

Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan

HUT RI Ke 69

Tidak terasa telah lewat 69 tahun dari hari kemerdekaan Indonesia. Usia Indonesia yang cukup muda tersebut ternyata tak urung untuk membuat Indonesia bersaing di kancah Internasional. Perkembangan Indonesia yang sangat pesat telah membuktikan bahwa umur sebuah negara bukanlah satu-satunya tolak ukur kemajuan sebuah negara.

Namun, tetap masih banyak masalah-masalah yang belum diselesaikan meskipun banyak pencapaian-pencapaian yang membanggakan yang dicapai Indonesia. Saat ini merupakan saat yang tepat untuk melakukan reformasi bagi bangsa ini untuk mencapai bangsa yang lebih maju. Reformasi tidak perlu dimulai dari presiden maupun pejabat tinggi lainnya. Tetapi, harus dimulai dari diri kita sendiri. Meskipun kita hanya bisa melakukan reformasi tersebut secara tidak menyeluruh, akan tetapi hal yang tidak menyeluruh jauh lebih baik dari tidak sama sekali.

Dirgahayu Republik Indonesia!

17 Agustus 2014

CloudNG – The Cloud Next Generation : Release

Thank you for your interest in our Personal Dropbox project, which is our FYP project from HKU CS.

We experience a common problem on usual top-tier cloud storage providers. Our data privacy is often compromised by using their services. Furthermore, traditional cloud storage providers only support storage of files and folders.

On light of those problems, we are delighted to start our Personal Dropbox project and attempted to make an implementation of an integrated Personal Information Management and File Storage system.

This is where the idea of CloudNG – The Cloud Next Generation came from.

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Some of the most distinct features of CloudNG are the ability to Synchronize Contacts, Calendars, and Browser Settings from your devices. Futhermore, CloudNG use open standards APIs, so that you can access our services from Third Party Applications. You can also use our service from your devices without having to install additional applications and open your internet browser because of these open standard APIs.

After a long wait, we are pleased to announce that the CloudNG has been released and open to public.

We would like to invite you to try our project. Please visit this link to have a look on CloudNG:

http://cloudng.wilsonchandra.com

Thank you once again for your interest.

Migrasi wordpress ke domain wilsonchandra.com

Waktu berjalan begitu cepat. Begitu juga dengan perkembangan teknologi dan ekspektasi orang terhadap internet. Setelah 6 tahun saya blogging di wordpress.com, saya memutuskan bahwa saya ingin meng-upgrade blog ini ke tingkat lebih tinggi, yaitu dengan menggunakan domain sendiri di wilsonchandra.com

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Sejak tanggal 27 Juni 2013, blog saya resmi dipindahkan ke wilsonchandra.com.

Website saya tetap bisa diakses dari wilsonchandra.wordpress.com, yang akan me-redirect ke wilsonchandra.com, tetapi tentu lebih baik jika anda meng-update bookmark atau link-link mendatang untuk menuju ke wilsonchandra.com

Dengan berubahnya alamat blog saya, demikian juga contact email saya. Klik link berikut Contact Me untuk menghubungi saya di email baru.

Terima kasih atas perhatian anda dan terima kasih juga atas kunjungan anda di wilsonchandra.com

Selamat Hari Natal 2011 dan Tahun Baru 2012

Sudah tidak terasa bahwa kita telah menjalani tahun 2011 ini, dan sebentar lagi kita akan menutup tahun ini.
Tepat pada tanggal 25 Desember,kita akan merayakan natal.

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Admin situs ini mengucapkan selamat hari natal dan tahun baru untuk semua yang merayakan.

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You cannot change the PAST but you can make YOUR PRESENT full of JOY by learning from your mistakes done in PAST.Wishing YOU all a year and FUTURE full of HAPPINESS and BLESSINGS ….